All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
