Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize