FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
it glows. i had to have it.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize