So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
