I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
