then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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