Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
