Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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