Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
