foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize