Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hippo gnu deer
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm bleeding and have questions
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
