imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
