So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
