I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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