anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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