She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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