Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
