She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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