and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
