A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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