Acid is not a monday night drug
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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