she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
