My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
