Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
