Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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