I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
