so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
