please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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