If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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