i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
