She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
