She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
