I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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