Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
