I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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