Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize