someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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