just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
