Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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