she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
