I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We have started to decorate penises.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
