you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
