i was rollin on her like bob the builder
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
