I think I died a long time ago.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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