So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
