I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
