So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
