wrigley field is MILF paradise
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
