The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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