eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Randomize
