When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
