i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think my fart just growled at me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
