you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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