just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
