Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
