Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
