Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
