Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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