Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
