I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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