What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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