with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
